I have little to report except that I recently found out that a pretty good friend of mine was a drunk and I had no idea. Being a recovering drunk myself I can usually figure it out, but not this time. She was a secret drunk, like Dick van Dyke. Anyway, she's working things out - more power to her. Except if she has a slip we'll never know, 'cause then she'll REALLY keep it secret. Let's hope she makes it.

Isn't this also a malt liquor? I just thought the cover was cool and kinda Grindhouse.
KING COBRA

Today Mike and Abel got married (again). This time their marriage certificate had the state-approved number on it. It all seemed much more real, less rushed, more lovely. So today, in lieu of porn, I bring you
THE NEWLYWEDS

I have loved perfume since I was a teenager and someone gave me a bottle of Chanel No. 5. I go through phases when it means more to me than at other times, and I'm in one of those phases now. I have discovered ways to get samples of all kinds of exotic, rare scents for very little money and I love it. I dab a little something on my wrist, and relish the way the scent opens, then dries down and changes and changes until it is melded into my skin. Of course, once in a while I get one the blogging perfumistas call a "scrubber" - I have had to use comet to get some of the really bad ones off.

One thing that is changing is that I am not overly concerned as to whether a perfume is marketed to men or women. It seems to be a pretty common thing for people really into perfume to not care about that, and I am finding that if I love the smell of a perfume, I don't care if it is pour homme or pour elle, only if it is pour moi.

THE SCENT OF PASSION

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It got hot all of a sudden up here, with that hot breeze that is so exhilarating. Buster is all stretched out with his catnip banana in his mouth. Two days ago it was still chilly enough to wear a sweater in the work garage, today we are happy that it is cool. I am thinking global warming really just means extremes. Maybe in a few years California will start having seasons.

BEAT THE HEAT

My job has become more hellish than ever. I and last week I seriously discovered that there is NO

PLEASING THE BOSS

Short one today - so busy...
I started yoga this week (DVD only - not ready for the classroom humiliation scenario) and also have an interview this week.

Fortuitous porn.

YOGA SEX INTERVIEW (not sure what the pool table has to do with yoga)

I went to see a really fun band last weekend. My Mom's partner Lisa plays guitar and other things like banjo and joins this band for some gigs. They are called Dr. Dee's Neo Vintage New Orleans Project. Lotsa fun! Great horn players all around and really everyone is great. My Mom was dancing with a frilly parasol that comes out during "Saints" (it was her birthday - it's allowed). They will be at Bistro Yoffi on May 31st, rumor has it. Check 'em out.

DEBBIE DOES NEW ORLEANS (she gets around, that Debbie)

My sister got tickets to American Idol on this weeks' Dolly Parton night. She flirted with the cutest Idol, Michael Johns, totally flirted with Simon Cowell...

She's a ho.

(and yes, I'm just jealous)

ANAL IDOLS

Absolutely nothing to report. Watching American Idol is about it.

DESPERATE POPSTARS

Project Runway is over (whah) and a new Top Chef has begun (yay!). I love watching those people cook but I want them to invent at least smell-o-vision if not taste-o-vision. Usually. Sometimes the food sounds pretty rank, like things made with sweetbreads and undercooked whatnots. This season features another Molecular Gastronomist, which I love.

I met a man who works for the restaurant Lulu (and Lulu Petite in teh Ferry Building), and his office sits between the room they make the Meyer Lemon preserves and the room where they make chocolate treats. Pretty awesome aromas to get trapped between, yes?

I tend to cook more when Top Chef is on. Wonder what I'll make this season?

HUMAN BUFFET II
(for some reason I find this cover art very disturbing, like this is really a snuff movie or something)

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

VALENTINE VIXENS

I have a job that is so un-private I cna;t check my email much less look for porn titles. Sorry I tend to be late.

Anyway, yesterday I ate some of the mystical, mysterious fruit called Durian. "The King of Fruits". You may have seen one: about the size of a football, covered in spikes, usually in a net bag. You probably wondered WTF?, wandered close enough to maybe smell it, and backed away slowly with your nose wrinkled in distaste. I had always heard that Durian was one of those things that was a paradise buried deep within a hell, and had been curious about it.

My boss brought one in to work and we cracked it open in the back yard. The spiked shell is actually a multi-part pod, and inside each pod is a blob of stuff that kind of looks like an alien larva. The whole thing looks alien, truth be told. The pulp of the fruit is a creamy color with the consistency of a thick pudding, or maybe a partly roasted marshmallow. There are big seeds snuggled within. It's very weird stuff.

It tastes like a savory dish made with a not-very-sweet tropical fruit. It doesn't taste at all like fruit. It tastes pretty good, really, and I can see the appeal. It is very exotic, and my mouth knew it had never had anything like it before. Completely new.

However, there is a down side. The smell has been compared to rotting corpses. It smells like a pool of gasoline in a swamp. That is the taste left in your mouth and on your hands for hours after. My biggest surprise was when I peed and IT smelled like that. I had two sizable bites, okay? And all that happened. I stopped at two bites in case it made my lips swell up or anything, but some of my more Durian-experienced coworkers gorged themselves.

I love a new experience.

TASTE THE FORBIDDEN FRUIT

I had a really nice vaca down in Claremont with my stepmom and sister. We played a LOT of Scrabble. I managed to use all my letters spelling quicken and got 110 points, which is my usual average for the whole game. I kinda suck. One of my co-players used all her letters on a move that I thought TNSC devotees would get a kick out of (check the bottom of the board):



We saw a lot of movies. My sister contributed to the "fantasy porn title" pool by renaming Atonement "Abonement". We also saw Sweeney Todd and Juno. I can recommend them all for different reasons.

My sister and I also became enormous Josh Groban fans. much to the dismay and horror of all our friends (guilty pleasures are supposed to horrify your friends, no?). Anyway, watch THIS and get back to me.

I came back to kind of being fired, but he keeps changing his mind so I am just taking it day by day. Evs.

MONEY PLEASURE

95%ALCOHOLIC

Ultrasound diagnostic

How can I still be an ALCOHOLIC after 21 years of no booze?? My own brain scares me sometimes. A fair amount of those questions were about things not around when I was a practicing lush, like mojitos and cosmos.

I have a real post but it will have to wait till next week-ish.

Hymn #365


A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had
All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he
Said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world,
I'd take it and pour it into the river."

Sermon complete, he sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced
With a smile , nearly laughing, "For our closing song,
Let us sing Hymn #365, "We Shall Gather at the River."

The job I am doing is so crazy and frustrating that I come home every night slack-jawed. I don't even have time to write my rant or go online or check my email. Today my Outlook crashed every time I tried to open it. My boss doesn't think it has anything to do with the fact that there may easily be 50,000 emails in there. He is a hoarder in every way. The filing cabinets have stuff from 1999, with little lists on the drawers to tell you what is in them which are mostly wrong. I am waiting for a system-wide implosion.

SLAVEGIRL OF ZOR

Hey, so I attended a training session last night and am officially allowed to don the big white hazmat suit and clean oily goo off the beach. Of course, there were the usual PC whiners who got all wound up about the toxic effects and everything and it was all I could do to keep from yelling out "if you're so damned worried about it why the FUCK are you here???" Hmph.

TOXIC ORGY PARTY

This weekend is the San Francisco Green Festival. This is not a Festival of the Color Green, which could be interesting and definitely lead to a whopper of a headache. It is a Festival of the Ecologically Conscientious. Organics, Sustainables, Compostables, Biodegradables, Solar-powered. Because I work for a "green" company I am beholden to go spread the word. One thing I noticed about "green" stuff is that is can be freakin' spendy. But that's okay. The comfy yoga clothes are all various colors of sage, french blue, berry, and natural. As are the towels and sheets. Lots of stuff is made of hemp and bamboo and is quite pretty. The candles are soy and beeswax and burn clean.

I think the hardest thing for the green community to dispel is the idea that eco-conscious folks are unwashed and use natural deodorant that doesn't work very well, and toothpaste that tastes like fennel. There is an ad campaign for Subaru that features a handsome man who looks like he slept in his clothes and shaved in cold water with a knife. The ad talks about the energy efficiency of the car, of course. I kind of don't get it.

I guess I'll find out when I go to the festival and hang with some potentially smelly natural deodorant wearing green folk with fennelly breath.

FESTIVAL OF FETTERS (Saran wrap is definitely not earth-friendly!)

Since I keep getting sidetracked here and missing post time I figured I'd better just post when I think about it.

I'm freelancing for a company that is an online retailer of green products. Kind of crazy, working out of an ersatz office built out of a garage with a scary rocking toilet. Hopefully temporary, until I find something much much better. But it will pay the bills for now and I'm learning stuff.

Attentio all tattoo freaks out there - I have excellent news. Those of you familiar with my bee tat will be happy to know that the guy who created that fabulousity has got a new shop out here in the avenues. If you've been hankering for some art on you, check him out! He ROCKS!!

Tuesday Tattoo
Jesse Tuesday
4025 Judah Street
SF, CA 94122
415-242-6028

818 INKED