Who needs porn when you can go online and get a shot of the nubile young Britney's snatch?

Ew.

SHAMELSS SELF-PROMO #13,298: (and porn)

Get a head start on your gift shopping and help support some starving artists. Mark your calendars for the first weekend in December and come to the 14th annual Fogbelt Studio Holiday Art and Craft Sale. 26 local artists will be selling their wares for reasonable prices - too much stuff to mention all at once. One guy last year came up to us and said he was really mad. We were, of course, alarmed, and asked him why. "Because I didn't know about this until now!!" he declared, arms loaded up with stuff. We were relieved. I will be selling fabric bookmarks, fun and very intoxicating cat toys (ask Buster), and whatever else I can sew up in time. This is one of the best sales I have not only participated in, but shopped at. Check it out!! (there's doorprizes and snax...)

Friday, 12/1 - 12 to 8
Saturday 12/2 10 to 6
Sunday 12/3 12 to 6

2528 25th Avenue between Ulloa and Vicente (it's a house)

JAPANESE ART PUSSY MASTER (good name for a cat toy!)

I think politicians should be fined huge amounts if they print more than one propaganda sheet per election. Same with folks who put all that crap on the ballot. I don't know about you, but I got a tree's worth of paper every day for weeks that I threw away without so much as a glance. Not to mention the phone books for state and local ballot stuff and the five double-sided pages of ballot. Can we have a little environmental responsibility here? Yeesh.

Thank heaven the election wasn't a bust like the last few. Go Nancy go!

MARY CAREY FOR GOVERNOR

So I have finally figured out a way for me to have Halloween candy leftovers. Both my housemates have really bad teeth! So I will make sure my contributions from now on are Abba Zabba, Laffy Taffy, Chewy Sweet Tarts, Look, Sugar Daddy, Big Hunk...... bwah ha ha

So I'm crushin' a little bit on Rob Zombie these days. I see him once in a while on horror movie scare fest countdowns or Criss Angel's show and he seems like a pretty okay guy. I've only seen one of his movies so far and it didn't make a lick of sense but I have Devil's Rejects on my Netflix list just for fun. I got a cd with a bunch of stuff on it and practically drove off the road banging my head to More Human Than Human. I told my kid sister that even her ole' sis needs to bang her head and drive too fast once in a while.

Zombie porn:
PORN OF THE DEAD

Missed my post cause it was my b'day yesterday. I went to my Mom's house on the condition that she let me watch the Project Runway Finale, which she did so I was a happy girl. I am not as squeaked by Jeffrey's neck (my sister and I just call him "boyfriend" because I had a dream about him early on wherein he was not my boyfriend but you know how these rumors get started) as Bee is, partly because I have seen worse, and it's not like boyfriend is so handsome that he has ruined himself, plus it's a tribute to his beloved baby boy. It does make his neck look huge, though. Maybe he did it there cause it was a good-sized canvas. Although I will never be thin enough to wear any of the Runway items, I would happily wear just about anything of Uli's and quite a bit of boyfriends (although at that point I would be accused of being age inappropriate). Excellent b'day all around and I still have events/gifts/cake coming up. Love the b'day week/month/as long as I can stretch it out.

HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY

SHAMELESS SELF-PROMO #2,976

My Hawaiian choral group, Na Leo Nahenahe, is performing this Sunday, October 15th:

Where: Lake Merritt United Methodist Church

1330 Lakeshore Avenue

Oakland, CA

When: 4:00 P.M.

Admission: $15 at the door

We are having some great special guests, including little kids doing hula, which is the best thing ever. Also slack key guitar, more hula, and singers besides us. Come get some aloha! You won't be sorry!

TROPICAL COCK-TALE

Alas, everything in my life seems to be pending....
more news and hopefully porn next time!

Sorry, no porn today. I've got some new guy who likes to talk dirty with me via IM and he took all my blog/porn time away. Plus the finale of Rockstar (I guess I need to assume next time that the guy I dislike from the get-go is going to win) and a great episode of Project Runway and my night is done. So, sorry.

Anybody out there got a new job for me that pays more than diddly-squat?

I have been a little bit immersed in magic stuff lately. I read a book called Not in Kansas Anymore, about how magic is changing America - pretty good and I got a lead on a great witch store near Santa Rosa. Magic in that context was not the illisionary kind but the spiritual kind. Next I read The Prestige, which is coming out as a movie soon with the dually yummalicious cast of Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman, plus David Bowie will be playing Nikola Tesla. My sister got me the book a long time ago and I guess I had read it but didn't remember enough to put it down as an "I read this one" so enjoyed it a second time. In the middle of that, I went to see The Illusionist, which was wonderful. Edward Norton is so subtle. Now I'm reading a book called Brimstone.
Sensing a trend?


SEX MAGICIAN


p.s. I have to rant that I am horrified that John Mayer is dating Jessica Simpson. Somehow thought he would go for more substance.

Well, I sent this to Linky-Loo but perhaps he thought it too porn-ish for his column. No worries. So here is a magic trick you'll never forget. Speakers on. Your nekkid girl fix o' the week. (for the squeamish, this is not really porn)

Better life, wax-end.
Better success, whitish-cream.

Better future, wreck-raising.

Better health, nimble-stepping.

(with a nod to LLMB for alerting me to the poetic possibilities of spam)

Buster sleeps head-to-head with me, pretty much, either curled up on my shoulder with his head on my cheek, or in my armpit/nook area. This morning he was in the nook, and I opened my eyes to find him just lying there gazing at me. Is a kitty's thoughts really like the old cartoon of a cat looking in a corner and the thought bubble is the corner? or is there a thought process? Is he thinking of how he'd really love to bite my chin, or when will I get up to get his breakfast, or just studying me like I study people I love when they are sleeping? Until he learns to speak as well as understand English, I guess I'll never know.

KUNG POW KITTY

Between Rockstar:Supernova eliminations and Project Runway on Wednesday nights I can't seem to remember my blog duties. Sorry!

I had something to say and forgot. As the saying goes "must have been a lie".

I'll try to do better next week....

Shameless self promo #137:

Come see me and my singing group, Na Leo Nahenahe, at the Aloha Festival this Saturday at 11:30 a.m. The festival goes on for 2 days, so even if you miss Na Leo, come check it out - booths, music, dancing, food, free admission. It is at the Presidio Parade Grounds, out there in front of the Officer's Club.

Check out this nice article in SF Gate, with a podcast.

It's summer!!!! 'Nuff said...

I'm kinda busy this week, lots of getting home lates. Didn't think about my rant. My only rant is against the people who walk into Joanns with the blackest of dark glasses on then can't see what you're pointing them toward. Where is it? Here? Here? Did you say this way? I was looking for green, is there any green? (Six shades of it in front of their face) Do these colors go together?

Take off your goddam sunglasses, ya geek!!!

Last week I decided to return to hula after a three-and-a-half year absence. I had seen a picture of my kumu and just missed him too much. It was great! Everyone remembered me and welcomed me back. I'm starting over, but that's okay - my hips are creaky.

The Aloha Festival is the first weekend of August, the 5th and 6th. It is in the Presidio at the parade grounds, and is free. It is two days of Polynesian music, dance, food, booths. My singing group, Na Leo Nahenahe, performs Saturday at 11:30 - come check it out!

MIDGET GOES HAWAIIAN

Hey all - hope you had a fun and fiery 4th!

In lieu of porn, I give you this dirty little ditty courtesy of ex-Westerner Wendy Miller:

http://www.goodiebag.tv/video/do_you_take_it.htm

Since I am at work and on dial-up, no porn pictures today.

I do have a non-porn movie review, though, unless scary movies are your porn. I watched "The Exorcism of Emily Rose" the other day. Bad title for a pretty rockin' movie. Good acting, no supernatural effects such as head-spinning and whatnot - nothing a human couldn't do under the right circumstances. You never REALLY know if it's really demons or if she is just seriously cukoo for cocoa puffs. But I have to say, I don't scare easy and I was pretty wound up. 3 a.m. will never be the same. Check it out.

Somehow I wound up with a magazine subscription to FHM (For Him Magazine). According to the label I am good until May of 07. Can't figure that one out, since the only thing I have subscribed to lately is Bon Appetit, and also because I am not a Him. Anyway, it has semi-naked girls romping around. Very tame, actually, which is kind of sexier, like Playboy used to be but not as innocent. Lots of porn stars. I do like one feature they have where people send in pictures where some unknown interloper has horned in to the shot. Sometimes the interlopers will be later identified by a reader, which is kind of awesome. They also have pics of wierd stuff people have captured with the cell phone cameras. Maybe someday the mystery will be solved, but until then these mags will pile up until I can pass them on to Manny.