Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

VALENTINE VIXENS

I have a job that is so un-private I cna;t check my email much less look for porn titles. Sorry I tend to be late.

Anyway, yesterday I ate some of the mystical, mysterious fruit called Durian. "The King of Fruits". You may have seen one: about the size of a football, covered in spikes, usually in a net bag. You probably wondered WTF?, wandered close enough to maybe smell it, and backed away slowly with your nose wrinkled in distaste. I had always heard that Durian was one of those things that was a paradise buried deep within a hell, and had been curious about it.

My boss brought one in to work and we cracked it open in the back yard. The spiked shell is actually a multi-part pod, and inside each pod is a blob of stuff that kind of looks like an alien larva. The whole thing looks alien, truth be told. The pulp of the fruit is a creamy color with the consistency of a thick pudding, or maybe a partly roasted marshmallow. There are big seeds snuggled within. It's very weird stuff.

It tastes like a savory dish made with a not-very-sweet tropical fruit. It doesn't taste at all like fruit. It tastes pretty good, really, and I can see the appeal. It is very exotic, and my mouth knew it had never had anything like it before. Completely new.

However, there is a down side. The smell has been compared to rotting corpses. It smells like a pool of gasoline in a swamp. That is the taste left in your mouth and on your hands for hours after. My biggest surprise was when I peed and IT smelled like that. I had two sizable bites, okay? And all that happened. I stopped at two bites in case it made my lips swell up or anything, but some of my more Durian-experienced coworkers gorged themselves.

I love a new experience.

TASTE THE FORBIDDEN FRUIT

I had a really nice vaca down in Claremont with my stepmom and sister. We played a LOT of Scrabble. I managed to use all my letters spelling quicken and got 110 points, which is my usual average for the whole game. I kinda suck. One of my co-players used all her letters on a move that I thought TNSC devotees would get a kick out of (check the bottom of the board):



We saw a lot of movies. My sister contributed to the "fantasy porn title" pool by renaming Atonement "Abonement". We also saw Sweeney Todd and Juno. I can recommend them all for different reasons.

My sister and I also became enormous Josh Groban fans. much to the dismay and horror of all our friends (guilty pleasures are supposed to horrify your friends, no?). Anyway, watch THIS and get back to me.

I came back to kind of being fired, but he keeps changing his mind so I am just taking it day by day. Evs.

MONEY PLEASURE

95%ALCOHOLIC

Ultrasound diagnostic

How can I still be an ALCOHOLIC after 21 years of no booze?? My own brain scares me sometimes. A fair amount of those questions were about things not around when I was a practicing lush, like mojitos and cosmos.

I have a real post but it will have to wait till next week-ish.

Hymn #365


A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had
All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he
Said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world,
I'd take it and pour it into the river."

Sermon complete, he sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced
With a smile , nearly laughing, "For our closing song,
Let us sing Hymn #365, "We Shall Gather at the River."

The job I am doing is so crazy and frustrating that I come home every night slack-jawed. I don't even have time to write my rant or go online or check my email. Today my Outlook crashed every time I tried to open it. My boss doesn't think it has anything to do with the fact that there may easily be 50,000 emails in there. He is a hoarder in every way. The filing cabinets have stuff from 1999, with little lists on the drawers to tell you what is in them which are mostly wrong. I am waiting for a system-wide implosion.

SLAVEGIRL OF ZOR

Hey, so I attended a training session last night and am officially allowed to don the big white hazmat suit and clean oily goo off the beach. Of course, there were the usual PC whiners who got all wound up about the toxic effects and everything and it was all I could do to keep from yelling out "if you're so damned worried about it why the FUCK are you here???" Hmph.

TOXIC ORGY PARTY

This weekend is the San Francisco Green Festival. This is not a Festival of the Color Green, which could be interesting and definitely lead to a whopper of a headache. It is a Festival of the Ecologically Conscientious. Organics, Sustainables, Compostables, Biodegradables, Solar-powered. Because I work for a "green" company I am beholden to go spread the word. One thing I noticed about "green" stuff is that is can be freakin' spendy. But that's okay. The comfy yoga clothes are all various colors of sage, french blue, berry, and natural. As are the towels and sheets. Lots of stuff is made of hemp and bamboo and is quite pretty. The candles are soy and beeswax and burn clean.

I think the hardest thing for the green community to dispel is the idea that eco-conscious folks are unwashed and use natural deodorant that doesn't work very well, and toothpaste that tastes like fennel. There is an ad campaign for Subaru that features a handsome man who looks like he slept in his clothes and shaved in cold water with a knife. The ad talks about the energy efficiency of the car, of course. I kind of don't get it.

I guess I'll find out when I go to the festival and hang with some potentially smelly natural deodorant wearing green folk with fennelly breath.

FESTIVAL OF FETTERS (Saran wrap is definitely not earth-friendly!)

Since I keep getting sidetracked here and missing post time I figured I'd better just post when I think about it.

I'm freelancing for a company that is an online retailer of green products. Kind of crazy, working out of an ersatz office built out of a garage with a scary rocking toilet. Hopefully temporary, until I find something much much better. But it will pay the bills for now and I'm learning stuff.

Attentio all tattoo freaks out there - I have excellent news. Those of you familiar with my bee tat will be happy to know that the guy who created that fabulousity has got a new shop out here in the avenues. If you've been hankering for some art on you, check him out! He ROCKS!!

Tuesday Tattoo
Jesse Tuesday
4025 Judah Street
SF, CA 94122
415-242-6028

818 INKED

So, I was up for a really great job at a beautiful vet's office. What happens? The old office manager who worked there for 10 years 6 years ago came around looking for a job. CRAP!!!! They told me I would have been a good fit but what can you do when you have a ready-made, fully trained person?

Not in the mood to look for a porn title today. So sorry.

Well, still no job. I don't remember a time, except when I first moved to SF when I was 20, that I have been without some kind of income. I have enough money for October's rent, and then I am broke. I can't go anywhere interesting, since I need to save gas, and am tormenting myself today about wanting to spend $8 on a book. I have been coupon-clipping and checking out the circulars to save as much on groceries as possible, and discovering that a $1 can of chili with some cheese and onions isn't too bad a meal. I have irons in the fire, but feel a bit like I am imprisoned in my own home. Good thing I have some interesting projects to work on or I'd be going nuts. Hopefully the irons will be smokin' hot soon.

ETREINTES A LA PRISON DE FEMME


this looks really interesting and strange....

A moment of silence, please, for Alex the Parrot, who passed away unexpectedly last week. He gave new meaning to the word "birdbrain".

When you're a working stiff, a holiday usually means a day off. When you aren't working, holidays are just another day. When you're desperately looking for work, a holiday is a day you can't look for work! Aaaauuuuuuuggghhhh! Nothing to report, since I am freakin' glued to craigslist 24/7. Maybe I should look on the holiday as a blessed opportunity to tear myself from the computer and have some fun, maybe like this:

LABOR DAY WET T AND A '99 (#2)

Well, I am still jobless and seriously starting to panic. I have two unemployment checks left. I remain ever optimistic, however, and just keep trying.

I was in the running to work at the new rehab in Sausalito. The day I found out I didn't get the job (which I really wanted, sigh), the place made the news. Apparently nobody told the good citizens or city government of Sausalito that a rehab was going in. Big stink. Scared a bunch of drunken sots are going to be escaping and heading down the road to no name bar. Whatever. What made me sit up and take notice was the fee: $48,000 a MONTH. They weren't even going to pay me that much a YEAR. Hmph. Close call. (I'd still take it if they asked - working in the lap of luxury is not a bad gig.)

As an aside, I hear Amy Winehouse stopped saying no no no and got her ass to rehab.

DEBBIE GOES TO REHAB

MILEAGE

Caught this in an email going around - found it apropos:

A 2006 study by Texas A&M University found that the average American
walks about 900 miles per year.

Another study by the American Beer Institute found that Americans drink
an average of 22 gallons of beer a year.

This means, on average, Americans get approximately 41 miles per gallon.

Not bad...

I've been having interviews at an assisted living facility for seniors. It's quite upscale. The thing it has most made me realize is that the chances are very good I will be living in a refrigerator box under the freeway when I am old, because I'll never be able to pay the 4 to 6 grand a month to live in a place like this one. Holy Crap. They show movies, but probably not like this one (it amazes me there are 14 more just like it):

HEY MY GRANDMA IS A WHORE #15

Yesterday I ventured forth with a visiting friend to the Ferry Plaza Market Building (whatever the heck it's called). I had never been there, knowing it would be beyond my budget. It is beyond my budget but I splurged a little and ogled the $4/lb nectarines and peaches (I got some pluots the other day at 22nd and Irving for the remarkable and retro price of 29 cents a pound). We had chowder and salads and gelato, and I bought a bottle of blood-orange olive oil. Donna bought exotic cheeses to take home and we sat out by the water. it's a nice place, and perfect for
SALAD EATING SLUTS

Well, I am getting old. Not like that is any big news but I have turned into one of those sorrowful beatches beatching about hot flashes. I even joined a forum group called "Power Surge". Oh, just kill me now.

HOT FLASHES

Josh! Wish I could be there to hoist one with you, er, well, hoist my non-alcoholic whatever anyway. Had I known sooner I would have sent my sister as my surrogate. Actually she might be more fun because she could hoist a real one.

MANY HAPPY RETURNS

I fell down and scraped a bunch of flesh off my knee and twisted my back and am sulking.
No porn today - go away, I have a headache!!!