Hymn #365


A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had
All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he
Said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world,
I'd take it and pour it into the river."

Sermon complete, he sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced
With a smile , nearly laughing, "For our closing song,
Let us sing Hymn #365, "We Shall Gather at the River."

The job I am doing is so crazy and frustrating that I come home every night slack-jawed. I don't even have time to write my rant or go online or check my email. Today my Outlook crashed every time I tried to open it. My boss doesn't think it has anything to do with the fact that there may easily be 50,000 emails in there. He is a hoarder in every way. The filing cabinets have stuff from 1999, with little lists on the drawers to tell you what is in them which are mostly wrong. I am waiting for a system-wide implosion.

SLAVEGIRL OF ZOR

Hey, so I attended a training session last night and am officially allowed to don the big white hazmat suit and clean oily goo off the beach. Of course, there were the usual PC whiners who got all wound up about the toxic effects and everything and it was all I could do to keep from yelling out "if you're so damned worried about it why the FUCK are you here???" Hmph.

TOXIC ORGY PARTY

This weekend is the San Francisco Green Festival. This is not a Festival of the Color Green, which could be interesting and definitely lead to a whopper of a headache. It is a Festival of the Ecologically Conscientious. Organics, Sustainables, Compostables, Biodegradables, Solar-powered. Because I work for a "green" company I am beholden to go spread the word. One thing I noticed about "green" stuff is that is can be freakin' spendy. But that's okay. The comfy yoga clothes are all various colors of sage, french blue, berry, and natural. As are the towels and sheets. Lots of stuff is made of hemp and bamboo and is quite pretty. The candles are soy and beeswax and burn clean.

I think the hardest thing for the green community to dispel is the idea that eco-conscious folks are unwashed and use natural deodorant that doesn't work very well, and toothpaste that tastes like fennel. There is an ad campaign for Subaru that features a handsome man who looks like he slept in his clothes and shaved in cold water with a knife. The ad talks about the energy efficiency of the car, of course. I kind of don't get it.

I guess I'll find out when I go to the festival and hang with some potentially smelly natural deodorant wearing green folk with fennelly breath.

FESTIVAL OF FETTERS (Saran wrap is definitely not earth-friendly!)

Since I keep getting sidetracked here and missing post time I figured I'd better just post when I think about it.

I'm freelancing for a company that is an online retailer of green products. Kind of crazy, working out of an ersatz office built out of a garage with a scary rocking toilet. Hopefully temporary, until I find something much much better. But it will pay the bills for now and I'm learning stuff.

Attentio all tattoo freaks out there - I have excellent news. Those of you familiar with my bee tat will be happy to know that the guy who created that fabulousity has got a new shop out here in the avenues. If you've been hankering for some art on you, check him out! He ROCKS!!

Tuesday Tattoo
Jesse Tuesday
4025 Judah Street
SF, CA 94122
415-242-6028

818 INKED

So, I was up for a really great job at a beautiful vet's office. What happens? The old office manager who worked there for 10 years 6 years ago came around looking for a job. CRAP!!!! They told me I would have been a good fit but what can you do when you have a ready-made, fully trained person?

Not in the mood to look for a porn title today. So sorry.

Well, still no job. I don't remember a time, except when I first moved to SF when I was 20, that I have been without some kind of income. I have enough money for October's rent, and then I am broke. I can't go anywhere interesting, since I need to save gas, and am tormenting myself today about wanting to spend $8 on a book. I have been coupon-clipping and checking out the circulars to save as much on groceries as possible, and discovering that a $1 can of chili with some cheese and onions isn't too bad a meal. I have irons in the fire, but feel a bit like I am imprisoned in my own home. Good thing I have some interesting projects to work on or I'd be going nuts. Hopefully the irons will be smokin' hot soon.

ETREINTES A LA PRISON DE FEMME


this looks really interesting and strange....

A moment of silence, please, for Alex the Parrot, who passed away unexpectedly last week. He gave new meaning to the word "birdbrain".

When you're a working stiff, a holiday usually means a day off. When you aren't working, holidays are just another day. When you're desperately looking for work, a holiday is a day you can't look for work! Aaaauuuuuuuggghhhh! Nothing to report, since I am freakin' glued to craigslist 24/7. Maybe I should look on the holiday as a blessed opportunity to tear myself from the computer and have some fun, maybe like this:

LABOR DAY WET T AND A '99 (#2)

Well, I am still jobless and seriously starting to panic. I have two unemployment checks left. I remain ever optimistic, however, and just keep trying.

I was in the running to work at the new rehab in Sausalito. The day I found out I didn't get the job (which I really wanted, sigh), the place made the news. Apparently nobody told the good citizens or city government of Sausalito that a rehab was going in. Big stink. Scared a bunch of drunken sots are going to be escaping and heading down the road to no name bar. Whatever. What made me sit up and take notice was the fee: $48,000 a MONTH. They weren't even going to pay me that much a YEAR. Hmph. Close call. (I'd still take it if they asked - working in the lap of luxury is not a bad gig.)

As an aside, I hear Amy Winehouse stopped saying no no no and got her ass to rehab.

DEBBIE GOES TO REHAB

MILEAGE

Caught this in an email going around - found it apropos:

A 2006 study by Texas A&M University found that the average American
walks about 900 miles per year.

Another study by the American Beer Institute found that Americans drink
an average of 22 gallons of beer a year.

This means, on average, Americans get approximately 41 miles per gallon.

Not bad...

I've been having interviews at an assisted living facility for seniors. It's quite upscale. The thing it has most made me realize is that the chances are very good I will be living in a refrigerator box under the freeway when I am old, because I'll never be able to pay the 4 to 6 grand a month to live in a place like this one. Holy Crap. They show movies, but probably not like this one (it amazes me there are 14 more just like it):

HEY MY GRANDMA IS A WHORE #15

Yesterday I ventured forth with a visiting friend to the Ferry Plaza Market Building (whatever the heck it's called). I had never been there, knowing it would be beyond my budget. It is beyond my budget but I splurged a little and ogled the $4/lb nectarines and peaches (I got some pluots the other day at 22nd and Irving for the remarkable and retro price of 29 cents a pound). We had chowder and salads and gelato, and I bought a bottle of blood-orange olive oil. Donna bought exotic cheeses to take home and we sat out by the water. it's a nice place, and perfect for
SALAD EATING SLUTS

Well, I am getting old. Not like that is any big news but I have turned into one of those sorrowful beatches beatching about hot flashes. I even joined a forum group called "Power Surge". Oh, just kill me now.

HOT FLASHES

Josh! Wish I could be there to hoist one with you, er, well, hoist my non-alcoholic whatever anyway. Had I known sooner I would have sent my sister as my surrogate. Actually she might be more fun because she could hoist a real one.

MANY HAPPY RETURNS

I fell down and scraped a bunch of flesh off my knee and twisted my back and am sulking.
No porn today - go away, I have a headache!!!

Happy Solstice!!

SUMMER GIRLS...AND SOME ARE NOT!

I was being a bad girl today shopping for completely not needed handbags. My sister and I both have what we call A Problem with handbags.

Speaking of which, this week's porn title is really pretty sick, in a low self-esteem kind of way...

BROWN BAGGIN'

One of the forums I post on now and again is having a discussion of grocery prices. Up and up and up. General Mills just announced smaller boxes, bigger prices soon. Kellogg's already did that. $1.49 for a single apple. $4.50 for a dozen ears of corn. Milk is slated to go up to $5.00 a gallon soon. We are going to be going on the "can't afford to eat" diet.

But, there is always an alternate source for milk...

GOT MILK? YES.

I've been waiting all day for a call about an interview only do discover that when my DSL temporarily went down this morning it also kicked off the phone. So although I got back online, my phone has been dead all day. I had to recycle everything just like with my modem, only the phone, and it's okay now. Oy. Nothing like making a stupid impression right off the bat.
Oh well.
PHONE SEX FANTASIES

Okay, Alan.

PUSSY IN MY PANTS

Out on an interview today...
will check in soon.

INTERVIEW WITH A GODDESS

Today is Buster's birthday! Look out for the Terrible Twos. He already has a bad nicotine habit. What's a mother to do?

Well, I've headed into month two of unemployment. The euphoria of finally being done with a job that was less than satisfying has diminished and the panic is setting in. I'm panicked because every fifth-grader knows Powerpoint, but I've only ever opened it once and don't have it at home. I'm panicked because Western Images opted for the mighty Great Plains accounting software and every company in the world uses Quickbooks. I'm panicked because even jobs where you know you'll never need these things require you to know ACT!, Photoshop, Raiser's Edge, TimeSlips, Access, Filemaker, Axapta (whatever the hell that is), Spanish, Cantonese, French and Russian.

I panic because my interview wardrobe is lacking polish. Thank God for ebay.

I may be stuck at Mickey D's, or worse, having this as my late-life career:
OLD CHICKS TURNING TRICKS (#2, yet)

I'm kinda fascinated by how there is a plot afoot to "throw" American Idol this time. This is the first time I've watched it all the way through and seeing things get vaguely out of control is pretty cool. Sanjaya just can't get voted out no matter what he does, and it definitely adds to the entertainment value. Simon Cowell is exasperated (well, more exasperated than usual) and nobody ever quite knows what to say. I'm not sure how much the kid has figured out but he's having a good time. Only 17 and on TV every week with lots of teenyboppers loving you up. The bubble has to burst but until then I'm all for it.
AMERICAN PORN IDOL

When you don't work, it's hard to remember what day it is. I've had to focus pretty hard on not getting parking tickets for street cleaning. Which reminds me, I need to move my car. My eating habits are also screwed up. The other day I got really hungry, like insatiably hungry. I figured out that because I kind of just snack, my poor body wanted some FOOD. Went and got Mexican, always the cure-all..
THE WHOLE ENCHILADA

It's over!

No more sewing center - all that is left is the carpet.

I'm in a coma this week after working full-tilt 31 0f 34 days but have already gotten in the swing of the job hunt.

I went to the movies with the idea of seeing something important but saw Wild Hogs instead. Pretty lame and pretty funny and William H Macy is great. If you want something brainless and amusing it's a good bargain matinee.

This is totally insulting:
HOG FARM

Ugh. Is it Thursday already? My store closes on Sunday, not a moment too soon. I will have worked 31 of 34 days. My autopilot is on full-time. I wake up every night at 2, 4, 6 and 8. I have to stay really aware when I am driving because I start going weird places. Buster is filing for a divorce and won't let me clip his nails, the better to maim me with. The house is filthy, I have no clean pants, the sheets need changing. Sunday is not a moment too soon away.

By announcement time I will be well into my 11th straight day at work. I am a bit bleary, since I am also not sleeping that well, but I can see my Sunday in bed with my book and my kitty coming over the horizon.

Joann Fabric and Crafts did not renew our lease, and gave us 6 weeks to close up shop. If any of you needs a sewing machine I've got some fabulous deals. People are coming out of the woodwork and saying how much they are going to miss me, and quite a few of them are people I don't remember ever seeing before. I guess they are the "you don't miss your water till your well runs dry" kind of folks. I just smile and say Thanks.

HARD@WORK


(in case you didn't notice, Nina Hartley has the best ass in the business. She's getting pretty old, but her buns are still knockout.)

I got a CD stuck in my computer last week and it's been at the doctor. No porn.

I did find out that Buster has figured out that if he pushes that little button the CD tray goes in and out. Hours of entertainment. Fun, fun fun.....

There's been stuff in the news lately about a company called Meth Coffee. I know a lot of you are high-powered coffee drinkers and this guy has blended the brain power of Yerba Mate with the jitter power of good strong coffee. Not a coffee drinker myself, but I am a mate drinker, and it is pretty great stuff. Although he goes by the name "The Roaster" and has refused to divulge his identity (probably to protect himself from those up in arms about his perceived insensitivity to actual meth addicts), I am telling you about it because I know who he is. I am not in the lifestyle group he is marketing to, and as an ex-meth-head I can see why people get wound up, but I think the product itself is an interesting idea. He's a smart kid, and I'm sure he knows that he can't buy the kind of publicity he is getting from all the p.c. folks bringing it to everyone's attention. I have heard there is quite an appalling video on the website - maybe that can be your porn for today.

I went to my title site to find something about how freezing it is but the site wouldn't load. I guess it was freezing. ha! Anyway, it's freezing again. In case you didn't notice. What is the deal about global warming causing a new Ice Age? The science perplexes me.

My car has a check engine light that won't go off no matter what. New oxy sensor, new tires, alignment, tune-up, oil change, cleaning of the mass airflow sensor (found that little tip online). Next is a transmission service. I am also spozed to put a gas additive in next time I gas up. I have a wonderful mechanic, but this is really annoying. I refuse to take Bonny to the rip-off dealer. So I guess we'll just have to keep trying.

So, no porn this week due to technical error. I tried.

Hey and Happy New Year!

I am still in the "I did too much driving" state from my vacation and can't remember what day it is. Keep forgetting to write my rent check. Keep forgetting to send my IRS payment.

I'll porn up again soon, once I get my head on straight.