Some very literal gate-crashing porn for your viewing pleasure today.

Most of the gifts I ordered this year were held up in customs. Good thing I ordered them a month ago - as it is I will be scrambling now to get them to all the back-easters.

But, I think I am pretty under control. Despite my stepmom's plea to only make her gifts, I am not, although what to actually get her remains a mystery.We have a gift limit this year, which kind of sucks since I actually have money this time, but rules are made to be broken. Right?

HERE CUMZ SANTA

All San Francisco folk should hie down to the Concourse at 8th and Brannan this weekend (Fri, Sat and Sun) for the annual Green Festival. Lots o' cool products, foods, and other things that will help you save the planet. I'm not a worker bee at it, got nothing to do with it, just like to go.

In honor, I present you with a Classic:

BEHIND THE GREEN DOOR

Porn Robot Lives!!

Just spent two-point-five days with my boss-lady from Seattle. It was good, but super-intense and I can barely do more than sit and look out the window. Loving my job, incredibly happy that I have one.

BOSS BITCH IN BONDAGE

Porn Robot is exhausted and must have a temporary hiatus whilst ramping up at NEW JOB!!! Details to come....

I broke my nose this week. Did a faceplant right in the street and had to go to the ER. A bone was sticking out. Heh. I'm doing pretty well and don't need straightening surgery but I never realized how much I twitch my nose to lift up my glasses. I actually can't wear my glasses all the time cause they sit right on the wound.

So it has been an interesting week - General Hospital is a pretty crazy place. When I went for my follow-up, I ran around taking pictures of the brick buildings - the detail in those is astonishing and beautiful. I'm glad they are still standing. When I get my stitches out, I plan on exploring further.

Still no job. Doesn't anyone have some work for me?

Dave Navarro's
BROKEN
(Dave Navarro?? Who knew?)

I had my first real HDTV experience when I went to Manny's house up in red Bluff doe July 4th. I have heard this from a few other people, so I know I'm not alone in this, but I actually don't much care for it. We watched a couple of movies and everything looked too sharp and kind of 3D-ish and it was disconcerting. like the way soap operas shot on video looked so weird compared to shows shot on film. it's like having glasses that over-correct your vision - everything looks really sharp, but you're going to get a headache and eyestrain.

I suppose I will have to get used to it eventually, unless there is a huge backlash. I find it interesting that, as USUAL, porn has been in the forefront of HD production for some time. Just like they were in the forefront of producing video for home use. If there was no porn, we'd still be watching movies when they came on TV's sceduled programming.

BUSTFUL OF DOLLARS

I hope everyone has a fun time this weekend, eating hot dogs and blowing their fingers off with fireworks! I know I will..... To celebrate, I offer a porn DOUBLE FEATURE!

PORN ON THE 4TH OF JULY



4TH OF JULIA

Lest we forget the other icon we lost today:

My whole world has been about straightening up a problem with the Employment Development Department, which has taken nearly a month, during which time I got no payments. My car is also broken. So, not in prime porn mood. Next time.

I am the Host of a group on red Bubble dedicated to images of San Francisco - we have a very diverse group of artists from all over who have lived in, do live in, or have visited and taken pictures. Check us out:



Red Bubble has been my lifeline - all the stress that comes with no work and vanishing money are taking its toll. Art is the ultimate healer.

Since not a whole heck of a lot is happening in my life right now, I decided to do a somewhat randomly selected porn title for your enjoyment. The cover of this looks more like a slasher movie than porn, except for the boobs, well I guess boobs qualify for slasher, too. Not sure what the center mass of...hair? is all about either, but I like the green

BACCHANALE

I wouldn't be doing my pornly duties if I didn't address this whole teabagging debacle. I mean, if you were organizing a national day of protest and you found out that the terminology you had chosen to describe your activities was also the term used for a rather descriptive sexual act, wouldn't you change your tune BEFORE you became a laughing stock? I mean, really. How stupid are these people?

TEA-BAGS AND TOSSED SALADS

Yay for the 3rd unemployment extension!!! I am still applying for jobs every day, but I can breathe and try to come up with a new approach to this whole job thing. I have read that I have to be my own brand name - does that mean I have to come up with a logo and tag line and run an ad campaign? Dunno. I need to make my resume stand out from the crowd by downloading Acrobat 9. Done (trial only - can't afford the real deal). I definitely need to learn and become fluent in several other languages, pronto. I need to learn every software program ever written that I don't already know. There are a lot. I don't have them on my computer. Anyone got a full-on copy of Office I can steal? Illustrator? Dreamweaver? I need to buy a Blackberry and an iPhone and become proficient in their uses. I have never needed either a PDA or a cell phone, so don't have them. I DO facebook and twitter but don't Second Life (I didn't have the right video card when I tried it the first time). I don't play MMO games - I guess I have better freakin' start so I can work at those companies. Sigh.

A TASTE OF MONEY

I just got back from a major shopping adventure at Safeway - they are dong this Mix n Match promo where you can buy 10 of any of a collection of things and get the deal. There was a 75-cents deal, so I got a bunch of chili and canned tomatoes and pasta and artisan bread and even some Rice-s-Roni the San Francisco Treat which I don't think I have eaten since I lived in San Francisco. I've been kind of priding myself on being able to go to the supermarket and get a full canvas tote of groceries for $20 or less, and this time it was a bigger shop, but I still had 3 bags of groceries plus extraneous t-paper and p-towels for $63. I even treated myself to a magazine! Woo hoo!

God, the thrills you seek when you are on the dole.

SHOPPE OF TEMPTATIONS

Yesterday I took advantage of the break between storms to venture out to Fort Funston to take pictures. It was exceptionally beautiful out and the hang gliders were floating and swooping like pteradactyls. The ravens were swooping right alongside them, the water was glistening - awesome.

Sometimes I put myself in harm's way where it would be a long time until someone found me if something happened, and it usually means I am stretching my own physical limits somehow. Yesterday it was looking down a really steep sandy incline and saying - I think I can get down there. Downhill and I don't do well together, and I have almost perished twice in near-falls. But, I put my foot out and let it sink until it came to rest, then did that with the next step and the next until I was all the way down. It felt cool, like I was walking on another planet. I got down to the beach and played with a bunch of dogs and snapped pictures. Coming up was tough - there is a massive set of stairs. But I made it and felt great the rest of the day.

HOSE AIR 2
(what is the connection between hang gliding and hosiery fetish, you ask? Beats me.)

Since I joined Facebook I have noticed that people really like to do lists. I don't do the lists on Facebook because they are basically chain letters you have to send to 25 of your friends, who won't be your friends much longer f you keep sending them chain letters. I am also part of Red Bubble and they have a group for people to do their lists voluntarily. Much better. In honor of the spirit of TNSC, I offer you this list, 50 Ways to Love Your Liver , by the wonderful and talented Doreen Phillips.

HIT LIST

The art website community I belong to, Red Bubble, is based in Australia, and a lot of the artists are Aussies. The recent fires have been really devastating to them and not only people but many animals have died or been injured and/or left homeless. I have donated two of my pieces to a gallery on the site that is donating all proceeds to relief. Check it out, buy a few greeting cards for your stash, and help out some really great folks and maybe a roo or two.

RED HOT FIRE FIGHTER BABES

Well, okay, I finally joined Facebook, which most of you already know. Being out of work when the weather is dicey can cause lots of days of getting sucked into computer-land, and between Red Bubble (art), Zazzle (art products), Now Smell This (perfume), Cake Wrecks (ridiculous cakes) and Go Fug Yourself (celebrity clothing mishaps), I was already pretty busy.

NAUGHTY NETWORK

Larry Flynt asked for a "bailout" for the porn industry. If porn is in trouble, then we're really in trouble! When I worked in porn, a recession generally indicated higher porn sales. People need to amuse themselves, after all. So if that isn't true this time, then we're all really broke.

So, how sad am I to hear of the death of Patrick McGoohan? And how horrified am I that they are remaking The Prisoner?? I like Jim Caviezel and Iam McKellan but geez, some things are just truly sacred. It you want to see the orginal series, for free, click here.

THE PRISONER OF SEX (actually based on the plot of The Prisoner!)

I know it is not quite Chinese New Year but I found this when looking for a New Year sort of porn so am running with it. I have no idea what this movie is about:

"This Chinese New Year, both the parents of Ange and Niya all went out to build Chinese Great Wall on tables. The two girls have to celebrate the New Year themselves. They get together, singing Chinese New Year Song in both English and Chinese, and make it a Chinese New Year Fucking song. "

Plus I also think that they titled it without really knowing what it would ultimately mean. Not very nice of them...

FUCK CHINESE NEW YEAR