I have lately been accused of making up porn titles to suit the content of my rant. Actually, I think of what I want to talk about in my rant and then see if a title suits it. One of the guys I used to work with had the job of naming porn movies at one point in his porn career. Basically you get stoned and think of the most goofy arrangements of words in the semi-English language ("Sperm of the Moment"). This was for those dime-a-dozen movies that got made at a rate of about 3 a week - the big productions with the big stars and fancy directors had titles already, and those are usually a bit more serious, like "The Life" and "Paradise". Often the cheapies are just named after the primary focus, like "Blow Me Sandwich" and "Ass Cleavage". Some of my favorites are the Japanese titles, which tend to lose something in the translation, kind if like Top Ramen instructions ("Monsoonial Moistures"). So what will go with my rant today? SWEET IMAGINATION

I went on a job interview at The Container Store. Have you guys checked that place out? Talk about finding a niche and filling it - those guys were brillliant. Every possible storage, shelving, shipping, and gift wrap solution imaginable. Plus they have shoehorns. How long has it been since you've seen (or USED) a shoehorn? 10 kinds of lint brush. All kinds of fancy-dan hangers. Every color of little plastic box. Hexagonal shipping boxes. Gift bags with maribou feather handles. Spiffy trash cans. Metro shelving. And I only got through one side of the store. Dang. Get your mojo working for me cause this place is the coolest! IN MY BOX

I have a friend who is so artistic and sensitive and right-brained, the programs "Photoshop" and "Illustrator" are all the newest and latest greatest thing. He got thrown out of his first Photoshop class so he could go learn Windows first, and is now on his fifth try at Photoshop. He says at least he isn't holding up the train anymore. How could I know all of you and still be able to find somebody like him? COMPUTERIZED SEX CRAVINGS

Sometimes you just overhear such a good thing it stays with you all day. Overheard in the Post Office line yesterday: Some women said hello to a young man they knew and asked him if he'd like to go ahead of them; if he was in a hurry. His answer? "Oh. no. I've got plenty of time. I just got a new watch!"
CLOCKWORK ORGY
'Nuf said.