Oh, wow, is it Thursday already? I'm at work, no porn for you.

Buster got as many presents this year as I did, including a container of catnip that looks so much like buds of weed I got nervous when I had to have my bag unpacked thanks to an iron incense burner flaming up on the x-ray. The handcuffs come out - "no, really, it's catnip, I promise!". Dogs sniffing around - thank God they are looking for bombs and not dope.

Christmas Eve is the day to fly - I allowed 3 hours to get through it all and had 2 hours to kill. The plane was full but by and large the airport was deserted. Found a good book for the plane. I am all into the series of "Best (blah blah blah) of 2005" - I got Magazine Writing for the plane, and just picked up Science Writing. They have Spiritual Writing and Travel and Food and all kinds of good stuff. Nice short bursts of well-written and informative tidbits.

There is a seriously Buster moment in The Chronicles of Narnia. When you see it, and the scene comes when Aslan does his thing to the evil queen, imagine me lying in bed and opening my eyes to the same view on a slightly smaller but no less frightening scale. Loved the movie, by the way, more than I thought I would, and at the risk of even more firmly establishing myself in the group as a pervert, the Centaurs are HOT!!

The new phrase of the season is as follows:

"Happy Christmahannukwanzaakah!

We figure it covers all the bases and won't insult anyone for being politically incorrect.

SANTA'S CUMMIN!

Sci Fi Channel sucks me in to the weirdest stuff.I just got through 3 nights of watching a preposterous miniseries about the Bermuda Triangle. It was kinda cool, cause we haven't heard much about the goings-on in the Triangle lately; I imagine this will start a new trend and it will once again be chic.

Have you noticed that otherworldly things have their times in the sun, like bell-bottoms and ponchos? For a while alien abduction was all the rage (best movies are "Communion" and "Fire in the Sky", with a kudos to the Barney and Betty Hill movie way back when with James Earl Jones and Estelle Parsons, a pioneer of the genre). The Triangle was hip so long ago I don't remember any movies. I know there were some bad made-for-tv things rather like what I just watched. Voodoo and Santaria had a moment ("The Believers" and "Serpent and the Rainbow"). Sometimes a movie starts a trend ("Altered States" and the sudden opening of isolation tank spas, all gone now). Crop circles have died down a bit; "Signs" was a little late. Some things, like ghosts, will always be popular, but I kind of put them outside of the natural-supernatural new-age hippie-dippie stuff I am thinking about. Remember Pyramid Power? I'd be hard-pressed to find a pyramid outside the Whole Living Expo, and they are throwbacks even there. Okay, so we need to make a movie about the famous "vortexes" in Sedona. Haven't seen one of those yet and it seems like vortexes would be ripe for the picking. They are so vague you could do anything. Louis L'Amour wrote a book about the Anasazi that was pretty cool - getting some Native American lore into the spotlight would be interesting.

Anyway, my Christmas sale was good; Buster got a couple leftover cat toys. Ramping up for the Christmas blitz (Happy Christmahannukwanzaakah!). Oh, and I did like the Johnny Cash movie. Also, if you are going to see Harry Potter make sure you do it at the movies - it is so dark it might be hard to see on the teevee.

BERMUDA TRIANGLES

SHAMELSS SELF-PROMO
Hey - I am participating in a wonderful Christmas craft sale with 25 other very talented folks who make enticing things. I always buy a few things for myself, as well as a giftie or two...
FOGBELT STUDIO HOLIDAY ARTS AND CRAFTS SALE
2528 25th Avenue (between Ulloa and Vicente
Friday 12/2 noon - 8 pm
Saturday 12/3 10 am to 6 pm
Sunday 12/4 noon - 6 pm
I'll be there on Sunday around 1. My wares are microwave mitts (very handy), bookmarks, and cat toys.

Oh, and because I seem to be spending a fair amount of time seeing doctors for various routine testing, here is this week's really wierd title:
LEAD A DISSOLUTE IN HOPITAL - Nures and Woman Doctor (sic on all the bad spelling)

Okay, finally got last week's blog to publish.
Just got 3 Johnny Cash records from Amazon. I realized that with Walk the Line coming out and all that there was a severe shortage of Man in Black albums in my collection. There was a special on the two prison records, and I added his last one that has the strange covers of Nine Inch Nails and Depeche Mode. But I am treading on Bee's Musical Feet here so I will wait till next time and talk about the movie instead.

I did see Good Night, and Good Luck. What a nice change of pace to see a movie that is just smart, well-shot, well-acted, no gluts of either estrogen or testosterone. I have always liked David Strathairn although I don't know how to actually pronounce his name. It could be an interesting race for the Best Actor Oscar this year.

Anyway, I wonder what kind of hit record would have come out of a Johnny Cash show here:

BIG TIT PRISON

Oops, missed my deadline again. I'm having a little case of anti-computer-itis cause I have a "new" (to me) computer at work that has viruses that I can't get out because it shuts down whenever I am almost done dowloading the tools. Actually the thing that it does is a symptom of a virus that it doesn't seem to have upon a Symantec scan for that particular one. I have dial-up at work, which compounds the problem, and I get a warning window about my registry about every two minutes, which is a lie since I cleaned my registry about 6 times. I can't get through a Spybot or Adaware download, either. I finally got through a virus definition download which is how I now know I have viruses. Sigh.

Been to the movies more in the last month than in the last 2 years. Saw In Her Shoes, Capote, Domino, and Jarhead. Going to see History of Violence tomorrow probably and Walk the Line immediately upon release.
This was not the Jarhead I saw, although there may be equal numbers of hot guys in both.
JARHEAD

Here are the Buster reports I got while I was on vacation:
1. "Hey girl,

alls well with the critters. Buster and I played in
the sun( the tunnel) he's a good kitty. the only
thing is that every time i go to your place he's made
a bigger mess other than that he's a good kitty. have
fun

love abel"

2. "I stopped by to see Buster yesterday running amok. He was in the garage, so when I left I made sure he was in the apt. He had found one of your knitting projects (red yarn) and wound it around the chair. It was quite a task untangling it and putting it out of reach. I played with him for a while but he was also pretty entertained by himself. Perhaps he was showing off. I made the mistake of wearing a skirt with bare legs and an ankle bracelet. Next time I'm wearing long pants and bringing work gloves." (Melanie)

3. "Well today the adventure got a little crazy..
was playing with buster and you know how hard it is to
shut the door before you can get out ..it started in
the back room up stairs then every room 'till we
reached your door. door won't shut. then put him back
started racing to the door buster flies out of
no-where smash crash...We broke your nice friut bowl
by the door..bad boy hidd, i cleaned up felt bad,but
figured you'd uderstand and perhaps maybe you could
steel one from your sis's house like it. no injuries,
but then I rememdered as i cleaned the litter
box(guilt is motivating),and putting it out i locked
myself out. Great< huh? had to go to mike's work and blah blahyouknow. anyways, Sorry !!! buster has forgotten it already..to be a cat...would have been a great trade for today" (Abel)

Buster is happy I'm home but not as happy as Abel...

BAD KITTY

Ahhhhhhhh..... vacation at last! I am in Laguna Beach, living with my sister for a week. The first few days were marked by some amazing storm activity. One night my sister and I went out on to the balcony to watch the lightning streaking around - big flashes, big, long booms. It was fun and reminded me of summers in Ohio when we would watch the storms for entertainment.

I have been getting very amusing Buster reports from his beleaguered caretakers - he has been quite the scoundrel and I fear I will be coming home to a post-hurricane home scenario. Apparently my house is messier every day, and he has found a ball of yarn or two. Good kitty.

THUNDERLAND IN WONDERLAND

Ack - I am such a slacker. Last night I was so preoccupied trying to learn Photoshop in an hour that I forgot about my blog. Sorry! I'm at work, so no porn available.

I got roped into designing a logo for my artist group, Tangerine Arts. They forgot to give me a deadline until it was about a week away. Hate that. Anyway, I pumped out 2 versions, got them semi-cleaned up in Photoshop, and sent them out for approval. I know Photoshop is nothing for most of y'all but I find it baffling. Of course, I have no book, except for version 7, and I have version 6. And that book is very very thick. I guess when I come back from vacation next week I'll see about half.comming a version 6 bible of some sort.

The logo is for our impending website, which I will link for you when it is live. I have had many technical difficulties around getting materials ready for this. Fortunately, I am not actually webmistressing (thank GAWD).

One of my main beefs in life is the necessity of the artist resume. I was forced to make one for this. I am an art idealist - I want the art to be judged/appreciated/hated/loved on its own merits, and the idea of someone's opinion of my art being skewed by how much education I have, or how many shows I have been in, is repellent. I have a similar beef with the artist statement, but I have kind of learned to deal, especially since Jeff Koontz made the artist statement an art form unto itself.

Okay, rant complete.

Congratulations to Josh and Christie!

Not much to report. The situation reported previously is a bit inhibiting as far as having a lovely social life.

My kitten Buster is quite the little music critic. I was singing to him the other day and he very solemnly slapped me on the nose as hard as he could. Guess "We Are the Champions" isn't his fave.

The other day I came home to a message on my machine, which was one of those clattery things that happens when someone calls you from their purse. Then I heard a series of mews and realized he had stepped on the memo button on my machine and left me a message.

My biggest news is that I bought my first-ever tv-show DVD. I knew I would buy this one when I was watching the first episode. I figure watching 24 hours of LOST will get me through my Rockstar INXS withdrawals after next week (my fave made the top 3! I'm sure you all care).

DARK SHELL LUST IN THE CAGE EPISODE #1 - When The Paradise Is Lost

Arnold has got to go. What an ass he is. You know, when this whole gay marriage thing got going he said he didn't care one way or the other. Now he is breaking a million hearts. Can we make sure to NOT vote for him just because he is an action hero movie star next time? Yeesh.

Maybe he wouldn't veto a bill for a
BI WEDDING


is she wearing glasses???

Have you ever had a physical condition that makes you really feel like a disgusting example of a human? I've got one of those right now. A gift from my poor baby kitty.

Ringworm is a mis-named condition, having nothing to do with worms. It is more closely related to athlete's foot or jock itch, you know, a fungus. I don't know if having a fungus is really any better than having worms - they both sound nasty.

Buster is barely even affected by this - his neck and feet itch him for about 5 seconds a day, and his fur is patchy in places. He gets to take chicken-flavored medicine, and eat wet cat food (which I was hoping to avoid ever feeding him). I, on the other hand, get to walk around with big red itchy spots and be coated non-stop with jock itch cream. Lovely.

WORMS

I have spent most of my day here at work reading the Rockstar:INXS message boards (no mean feat when you have dial-up), which means it's freakin' slow here. The venomous wrath and hatred expressed on those boards is hilarious - almost rivals the boards I've read about politics. We're talking about several relatively talented people auditioning to be the lead singer of a band that has been off the radar for quite some time and you'd think it was a life-and-death decision:
JD SUCKS!!!
NO HE DOESN"T - MARTY SUX!!!
YOU ALL SUCK!!! MIG IS THE ONE!!!!
Third grade stuff.
Then someone starts an intelligent thread and it's great for a while, but ultimately descends to juvenile vitriol, but in lower case letters with a better vocaulary:
Stop bashing me! I have a right to express the opinion that JD is a revolting jerk and lacks talent.
Do you know JD personally? I have a friend who knows both JD and Marty, and the fact is that Marty ultimately has the least talent and most horrible personality.
I'm sorry to disagree, and we all have a right to our opinion, but you are both insane. Only MiG has the talent and agreeable personality to front INXS.
I think it would be an excellent thesis topic for anthro or psych majors to study the behavior of anonymous communication.
Porn to follow...

Oy - I am suffering from kitten-induced sleep deprivation and too long of hours so forgot my post. Sorry!

Anyway, my art group is looking for a webdesign person to do a fairly simple website for us. We would need a home page and several individual artist pages that would link from home. No animation or fancy-schmancy stuff. We would also need to be able to have it maintained, either by the web person or by us using templates (none of us know a lick of HTML). Cost is somewhat an issue, of course, and we need a secure, non-fly-by-night server location. More details will be worked out later but I wanted to give an overview.

If you or anyone you know might be interested in this please email me at matadecoco2001@hotmail.com.

Keep your fingers crossed for me - I may be heading back to porn world. Not as hard-core as before but probably more fun.

So, the best part of the Sonoma Fair was this. He was in the Humane Society display truck, and was still there the second week so I had to get him.

There were gorgeous gorgeous cows, bulls, sheep and goats. The food was amazing, very well done for that kind of venue, and the children's art exhibit was phenomenal. I wanted to buy a bunch of stuff but of course kid's art is rarely for sale.

KITTENS

Sorry for the late post and no title (I'm at work). I was fiddling around till the wee hours working on a geocities web site for myself and forgot my blog.

The fair has been fun - two more days and so next week I'll give you a full report. The food! I've never eaten so much meat in one day..... And the cows! such lovely creatures.

This week my boss has coralled me into working a booth at the Sonoma County Fair. I don't know, when I go to the fair, buying a sewing machine isn't at the top of my list of activities, but I guess my company does well. WhenI go to the fair, my thoughts are on various disgusting and decadent food items, like corn dogs and fudge; on rides that promise to end your life; on funky exhibits of foodstuffs and barn animals; on finding boys to flirt with. Except for maybe the food part, I won't get to do any of these things. Whaa...
Even if I run into this boy, I tink I'll pass. How did he get into porn? Yokel.

COUNTY FAIR GAME

I have gotten all nostalgic for shooting pictures on (gasp) film. I have a funky little camera made my Lomo that I love,

so I dragged that out of exile, as well as my Ricoh Shotmaster and my Lomo Action Sampler
(4 shots per frame, in sequence). I have also gotten in an ebay frenzy and got a really cute vintage 35mm camera made by Argus (a beige version of this camera was in a Harry Potter movie):



I also just won a Fujica ST701 SLR to replace my much-loved Fujica from whenI was a pup. Somebody stole it and it made me not want to take pictures for a long time. On top of that, my Dad is sending me his old Pentax SLR, which is a thrill beyond thrills. I found out yesterday that Dad is slipping and is on his way to The Home, so I think my stepmom will be the one sending it when all this upheaval has settled down. I'm not going to mention it for a while - priorities do not involve sending me an old camera right now.

So, all I have to do is remember to actually CARRY one of these millions of cameras and I'll be in good shape. I keep missing really good pics - saw a shot of a sailboat floating in front of pink sunset-tinged fog in the bay on my way home - spectacular. I would have had to get offa the bridge to take a picture, though, so I guess that will have to stay a mental snapshot.

I have a digital camera for this kinda stuff:

CAMERA SUTRA

My head is all over the map these days. I'm really tired, that deep tired that happens when you work all the time and don't take vacations. Weekends don't do the trick anymore - by the time I get myself to the point of realizing I have a couple days off, they're already over. Trying to plan a vacation with the man, but since he never called me back about it I may be on my own. I'll get outta here before the summer is over, though, even if I have to count Indian Summer.

So, the thing that kept me sane this week is, of all things, a reality show. I don't like them, never have; watched one season and a few extra episodes of Survivor, because of Rupert, and a couple of episodes of other ones, like Amazing Race and Fear Factor. Avoid all the bachelor/bachelorette/marry my dad/Joe Geek types like the plague. I watch a few of the documentary-ish ones, but those are different. I decided to watch Rock Star INXS. The premise is that 15 hand-picked folks are auditioning to replace whats-his-name who died of auto-erotic strangulation. I was happy from the get-go that hottie Dave Navarro is on it as the sort of intermediary guy; at least I'd have someting to gaze upon if all else failed. Maybe it is my current fragile state, or PMS, but I thoroughly enjoyed the show. I consider myself "hooked", and am already rooting for 3 contestants. Who'd a thunk it?

They don't have one of these, though. Their loss...

ROCK'N'ROLL MIDGET

The other night I was at work pretty late - didn't get out till 10 pm cause I was working on something I needed for the Embroidery Club meeting the next morning. It was kinda worth it, cause on the way home I got to see one of the most magnificant moons ever, really huge for that late, and that lovely cream-color that makes it so mystical. Then, I saw a red flash, and when I looked over I saw fireworks coming from the ball park. I got my own full moon and fireworks show all at once, while driving over that beautiful bridge I get to cross twice a day (I have a truly beautiful commute that I never get tired of: along the beach, past the Legion of Honor, through Seacliff, through the Presidio, onto the bridge, through the Rainbow tunnel and into Marin - micro-climates galore). Who needs the 4th of July crowds? So what if I was going 30 in a 45 and everybody was passing me? Those folks need to slow down and catch the beautiful sights they are missing. You all have a glorious 4th, now.
PORN ON THE 4TH OF JULY

The Tsunami warning the other night was kind of a kick. The biggest kick was watching the media grasp at straws to create drama where there was none. Living at the beach I guess I should have paid attention and gone to higher ground but I have a feeling this is going to turn out to be a wolf-crying thing. I will flee for no reason enough times that finally I won't flee and will float away.
on.
WAVES OF PASSION

Lee's rant reminded me of a commercial for Travelocity that has been on lately, which is about how they will fix any problem you may encounter with your travel arrangements, which leads me to believe that Lee Lee the Musical Bee is not alone! Many many others must have had horrific adventures because of Travelocity safus. Travelocity is too late, though; those people will never go back and have told all their friends.

Then I started thinking about other commercials. Like the one for GM's Employee Discount, with all these proud GM employees. Too bad they all picked up a pink slip this week.

And am I the only one who is completely freaked out by the Burger King guy? If I woke up to some big plastic king in my bed, I would be in the psych ward for a month or more. Why aren't any of these people screaming, or clubbing him with the nearest crowbar? Creeeepy. Brrrr.

COMMERCIAL WORLD

I'm watching the Eagles on tv and I'm sorry but Joe Walsh is a truly ugly guy. He's always been ugly, but some ugly guys, like Jack Palance, get better-looking with age. Not Joe. J like the music, though, and that's what counts. "Rocky Mountain Way" still has the most singable guitar solo of all.

Ok, that's not my rant. Neither is this: my sister lives in Laguna Beach. She says that if the slides get any worse she will have to add a hardhat to her work attire. Pretty amazing. Maybe housing there will become affordable and we can all go bask in the sun on the cheap.

Mostly my rant is about the wierd things that go through your mind when you are in the grip of a fever. My fever dreams were primarily religious in nature - I had just read a book about Noah's Ark and I was frantically trying to make room for myself on it. Not sleeping, you know, but lost somewhere. Thrashing thrashing. I have a minor infatuation with a lovely Greek Orthodox monk, flowing robes, flowing hair, buying a sewing machine, and that kind of played into it. I thought maybe I was being punished for having semi-impure thoughts about a man of the cloth, but that was fleeting. Thrashing thrashing. Able to feel every inch of my skin against the sheet. Every tiny stubble on my legs was like a thorn. Make room, the Ark is full, the rains are coming. Squish the pillows to make room. Please can I sleep now? Talking to the Others, nobody there. Two nights I was tortured by this. (Health tip of the week: don't start drinking gallons of fruit juice until you know whether or not your affliction has intestinal ramifications). Anyway, my mental acuity is at a bit of a low, hence:
TOO HOT FOR PORN

Okay, so I got Felix all set up, except they gave me the wrong kind of printer so I had to go get that taken care of but everything is okay.

I did have quite a time putting my table together. Each leg had 5 phillips-head screws and the principle was very simple - screw the metal leg holders to the tabletop, then screw in the legs. What they fail to mention is that the screws are so freakin' cheap that each turn of the driver actually routs out the screw head until you can no longer turn the screws. I was leaning in with all my might, sweat popping from my brow, to make a quarter turn.

Now, I had borrowed the screwdriver from my housemates to begin with. They had been hanging curtain rods all morning so had the tools out. I staggered upstairs to complain about the screws and moan that what I needed was a drill with driver bits. Not only did they have the bits, they had been using MY DRILL! I went back down and zzzttt zzzttt zzztt all done. God Almighty. My palms are still bruised.

SCREWED TIGHT

Well, the decision has been made. Buddy is having his final days as my computer and Felix will be taking over soon. I am naming him after Felix the Cat, who had that nice bag of magic and friends named Poindexter and Vavoom. Am I the only person who remembers Vavoom? He had such a loud vavoom holler he could fell trees. I had to become an adult before knowing that Master Cylinder was a car part and not just a Felix villain. I used to watch Felix in Ohio on a show hosted by Chuck Jones the Magic Man. Not to be confused with Chuck Jones the animator.

(I haven't seen a pic of him till just now. Looks just the same.)
Anyway I am naming my new computer Felix because Felix is cool and magical and has smart, efficient sidekicks. And hopefully won't decide to be more like this girl...
FELIX VICIOUS


This chick reminds me way too much of Mariah Carey.

I recently came into a little unexpected cash from my grandma's estate. I thought there wouldn't be anything left after her insurance fiaso and health care costs. After being so strapped for so long it is wierd to have money in the bank. I can pay off my car, get caught up with some things.

Yesterday I found myself shopping for a new computer. Mine has been unstable for a while and I have fallen out of love with it, kind of like when I fell out of love with my car Spike when he broke down on Christmas Eve several years ago and I bought Bonny. My computer's name is Buddy. How can I get rid of Buddy?? What can I name a new computer that has the emotional impact and trustworthiness of "Buddy"? Fido? Spot? I guess I'll think of something but I am having separation anxiety. Not to mention not looking forward to starting over with an unfamiliar operating system. I have been backing everything up for a few months in anticipation of the big crash, so have all my photos, documents, 10-second porn clips.

Anyway, it is nice to have this money, and I am hoping I do what Grams would have wanted me to do. Well, she would want me to bank it all. I am banking some. But not ALL...

IN THE MONEY

Have you ever done a big expensive shop at Safeway (or other big market) only to find that you have nothing to eat? Maybe a block of cheese if you're lucky. Happens to me more than I like. I must get sidetracked by all the junk food. I tend to buy my produce elsewhere because the prices are too high for what is ultimately tasteless fruit. Last week I started a small crusade to improve my eating habits, inspired in part by being a blob and in part by tips given in the book "French Women Don't Get Fat". I went shopping at Rainbow Grocery, which has always made me quake in fear of the sticker shock. Imagine my surprise when, for the same horrifying sum I usually spend for no food, I got tons of food! I have food in the house! I can fix a little something for my mid-morning yogurt snack, fix a lunch to take if I want, and have ingredients to throw something actually yummy together for dinner. For several days! What a revelation! I got this little melon called an Ambrosia that was a delight with every sweet bite.

Speaking of melon, this is just WRONG! I may never eat watermelon again. Boys.
FOOD FUCK

Yay! I'm back. My phone was plagued by static for the last couple days, which meant my dsl didn't work either. Calling the 611 repair line is a small dose of Hell. Feel free to skip this if you have been through it. First you have to make sure you press the option for repair. Then they give you the option of listening to some sales pitch or other(no, thanks). Then they automatically test your line and come back to tell you there is something wrong and do you want it fixed (duh). When you press yes they launch into about a twelve minute caution about how much it will cost you if it isn't their fault. Then they give you the option for a 4-hour window, which turns out to actually be an 11-hour window, 8 am to 7 pm. Fine fine fine, whatever, just freakin' get out here. Except I'm not ever talking to a person. So the guy calls me and tells me he called my number and it was fine and talked to somebody who would be home if I still wanted him to go out there. I put him on hold and called my number (thank God for 2 lines at work), which was completely static. So he went out. He of course called back when I was at lunch and he had fixed the problem, which was, of course, on the pole. He also confessed to calling the wrong number earlier, which was actually good, because if he had talked to someone at my house then I may have been getting robbed by somebody cheeky enough to answer the phone.
CALL ME

RRRRRRR
My computer is getting old and arthritic and has a hard time getting up in the morning. Today it wouldn't boot successfully after about 4 tries so I gave up. I'm having a paranoia that the latest "update" that loaded from Microsoft was really a thing that would force me to upgrade to Windows XP because my Me won't work anymore. Of course now they are supposedly coming out with a new Windows OS, called Firehose or Gangsta or Delusion or some such thing (I also heard Mac is coming out with a 5th version of OS X so you guys aren't safe either). They just can't stop with the goddam tinkering, can they? Pray for me.

In other news, I joined Netflix (to further enable my current Rourke obsession explained last week). I knew it was cool but I had no idea. I have drilled down to the most obscure of Japanese wierdo psycho bloodbath movies, and they just keep coming up with more. I never knew you could watch the trailer, get all the user and pro reviews, etc. I figured I had just spent 12.99 on 3 DVDs that I could only keep 5 days, so why not spend 17.99 for an endlessly revolving supply? I am always the last to know.

Unfortunately, since I am at work and tiny kidlets are roaming freely, I cannot go to the porn site for a title.
RRRRRRRRRRR

I went to see Sin City on Friday. All I can say is
Mickey Rourke
Mickey Rourke
Mickey Rourke!!!
I liked everybody else too and liked the movie enough to want to see it again already but Mickey ruled. I used to like Mickey years ago and then something happened that made him repellent to me so I stopped paying attention. I knew he had gotten knocked around in a failed re-entry into boxing and had really bad plastic surgery and the next time I noticed him was in The Rainmaker but it took a while to figure out who he was (I momentarily thought he was John Cassavetes until I remembered he was dead). So his performance in Sin City has been a bit of a revelation. When he first came on screen my instinct was to think that he had taken the whole plastic surgery thing a bit too far and then realized it was, you know, makeup. You never know these days.
This isn't really porn, but it tried.
9 1/2 WEEKS

My mom recommended that I listen to Air America on 960 AM The Quake. I don't like talk radio - never have. Radio = music. Maybe enough to news to keep me informed of the important stuff, like duck and cover. But all that yakking on talk radio just drives me nuts. Manny has that on his clock radio in the morning and these guys incorporate themselves into my dreams until nothing makes sense and then I wake up to the same scenario and I get confused. Nonetheless I tuned in while I was driving to appease my mom and see what was what. Well, I have to say that it is kind of relaxing to realize that my friends and I are not the only rational people out there. Al Franken has a show, as does Janeane Garofalo., Robert Kennedy, Jr., and Steve Earle (The Revolution Starts Now). Since I only listen here and there during drive times I don't hear all the shows or all the hosts, but I dig it.
AIR EROTICA


dang this is dinky

The guys upstairs have been married for a year - is it really a year already?? Yeesh. There has been some bickering. Full-volume, dish-throwing bickering. Mostly the one screaming at the other (for example, the other went to tell the one that he should come to bed so he could be sure to get up on time. This somehow initiated a full-blown fest, which woke me up, it being 2 a.m. My reaction was to lie in bed seething and wishing I had the nerve to storm upstairs and club the one with an iron skillet. What prompted the tantrum is a mystery to both the other and me, and the other is getting tired of being picked on). Anyway, life has been a bit grim, since I never quite know when it is safe to go upstairs and play with my sewing machine, or even say hello. Plus, the one is failing to respond to the landlady about a tree that needs to come down, because he hates her (meaning is scared of her) and I'm scared she'll take action against us. Not looking forward to living in my car, which is what would happen if I got thrown out. I hope eventually we find out what the one is so mad about.
LINGERIE SEX FIGHTS

When I was a kid, if you didn't wear green on St. Patrick's day, you got pinched. The rude boys would pinch haaaarrrrddd. I would be scouring my outfit to find a speck of green in a little leaf or anywhere. Some years I would fail to produce my green armor and get bruises all over my arms. I'd try to affix a leaf or clump of grass to myself to avoid the torture. Horrible. Of course I would retaliate on the years I did wear green, and pinch the daylights out of anyone I could. Nowadays, anytime I have tried to pinch somebody I've gotten threatened with a lawsuit.

F**KED IN IRELAND (keepin' it clean)
(until you look at the picture)

I just read a really fun book called "Candyfreak" by Steve Almond. It is a true book, and a rant in the absolute best sense. The guy is consumed by his devotion to candy, and he goes all over to visit little candy companies. He couldn't visit the big ones, because all the Willy Wonka espionage stuff is true; even the repairmen have to be blindfolded until they are placed in front of the machines.

If you have any sort of candy jones (or "freak"), or any fond childhood memories of some kind of candy you forgot about, or quest for, or reminisce about, pick it up. I got it out of the library the same day I watched "Supersize Me" and "Fat Actress"; kind of a media food day. Of course, you can't read this book without actually having to eat some candy, so beware.

He covers such regional rarities as the Idaho Spud (which sounds downright revoltin') and the famous GooGoo Cluster, as well as the elusive and messy Valomilk. He is an ectomorph, which means that although he eats major amounts of candy, he stays thin, which means I hate him.

Today, at the recommendation of Mr. Almond, I picked up a few bars made by the Lake Champlain company. They are about the only candy he writes about that I can easily get my hands on. Well, kind of easily, if shopping for anything at Whole Paycheck (a.k.a. Whole Foods) is easy, especially in Me Valley (a.k.a. Mill Valley). They have several varieties of big flat chocolate bars, and these fat squatty bars called Five Star that come in 4 flavors, of which I found 2. Steve's recommendation was most astute, as these chocolates are pretty great. Check 'em out.

A TASTE OF CANDY

I am going to step on the Linkey-Loo coordinator's toes a bit, because I have a link instead of a title. It is, however, very much related to my position here as porn robot. Don't be scared, but you will have the dubious pleasure of viewing some pretty nasty, although non-human, sexual objects. When I worked at Gamelink (the porn place that started all this), the customers always asked what these looked like. I'm kinda glad I didn't have this to show them, because our inventory would have rotted. There are a couple I almost want to have as art objects. Almost.

Whew, almost didn't make it! I got all wound up last night in the last hour of the last Project Runway and forgot my rant. Shut down my computer this morning saying "doh!" as I remembered my rant, but too late. I came late to Project Runway and am sorry now that I missed so much. I'm not into the reality shows, you know, except for an occasional foray into Survivor, and a peek now and again at some of the wierder ones (I confess I love Dawg the Bounty Hunter). However, seeing as how I am peripherally in the fashion industry, this one was fun. As usual I rooted for the hated Wendy Pepper - I liked that she was upfront about cutting everyone's throat from the get-go. I knew she wouldn't win, but I rooted nonetheless. I hated Kara, especially wen she pretended not to understand her breaking the rules about the shoes. I was glad when one of her models almost took a header getting tange=led up in a dress. The guy who won, though, Jay. I knew he'd win the second his models stepped on the runway. This finale would be the water-cooler topic here at Joann's except we don't have a water-cooler.
SHAMELESS SELF-PROMO
I am in an art show again, this time in Pacifica at the Sanchez Art Center. It's hanging until 4/9. I don't have the deets here at work but I'll post them later.
FASHIONABLY LAID (hee hee)

My sister and I have become huge afficionados of dog shows. We watched Westminster over the last two nights (unfortunately since several hundred miles separate us we weren't actually together) and it was quite fun and educational. They give a good overview of how each dog relates to people, like how the Scottie displays obvious superiority to its people, and Bull Terriers will join you on the couch after an active puppyhood. I have a hard time believing that dogs are all the same species. Look at a Chinese Crested next to a Neapolitan Mastiff and you'll see what I mean.


Chinese Crested


Neapolitan Mastiff (this was the breed that plays Fang in Harry Potter)

How can these both be classed as "dogs"??? Cats don't have as much variation. Long hair, short hair, long face, squishy face, but all around the same basic size and shape. Definitely cats. Even the Big Cats pretty much look like cats.
Here is another example, and then I rest my case:


BARK LIKE A DOG
off the leash and on your bone!!!

I was in Borders the other day and picked up the book "He's Not That Into You" which is an extension of a bit done on Sex and the City. After reading some of it I wanted to go home and put my head in the oven. According to the folk who wrote this book, no man I have ever been involved with in my whole life has been into me, present honey included (present honey has, after 4-1/2 years, something going, but he is most definitely not into me by the definitions presented). Actually, if a man treated me like the men who are into one is supposed to treat one, I would probably think he was a stalker or a nut. Anyway, on that note, Valentine's Day is coming. I had a date sort of near/on V-day once, I think, when I was about 20. I don't get cards from anyone but family and the occasional girlfriend. I send them dutifully every year, because hope springs eternal. I was much relieved to hear that my sister never has dates, either - this year is the first and the guy thought she was telling him the hotels would be booked because of President's Day, so even the new Mr. Perfect is semi-clueless. My sister is a gorgeous creature who has men hovering in her vicinity at all times, so hearing that she has also been bereft on V-day was a boost to my esteem. It's all a hoax I know but I'm such a hopeless romantic.
STUPID CUPID

My mom and I went to the Golden Gate Kennel Club Dog Show at the Cow Palace last Sunday. I always love the dog show, especially this one - it is a "benched" show, which means the dogs are on display for the weekend, and not just bouncing around the show ring. The best part is that you can pretty much fondle all the dogs. I enjoy the judging, and can't imagine having to choose a "best of breed" from the morass of identical golden retrievers. My mom said they looked like computer cut-outs. I was petting all the dogs, and noticed my mom wasn't petting any of them and when I asked her about it she said she was afraid she would weaken. She found her weakness in a wonderful wire-haired daschund. We did manage to get out of there puppy-free.

We followed up with a visit to a Samoan eatery out there on Geneva a couple blocks toward Bayshore from the C.P. gate. Interesting food, and if you are gastronomically adventurous, worth a visit. Lots of meats and starches. I would go closer to a traditional mealtime than mom and I did, because it is cafeteria-style and some of the food was a little tired at 3:00.

None of the dog handlers were dressed like this. Maybe dog shows would be better attended if they did. (p.s. this is one of my personal favorites of porn, although too stylish for cut-to-the-chase types.)
DOG WALKER

So I have to say that I was in porn title mode until I found out last night that my Grandma died. It was past due, and the first words out of my mouth were "well, good for her!", since she had been on the path for some time. Her body refused to give out on her for years after her stroke, so she spent a fair amount of time being frustrated by her own speech. I hope I am in as fine a form as she was at her age. She was 93 and still strong and quite good-looking. She once told the doctor she wanted to die and he pretty much told her to give up that idea, that except for the stroke she was fit as a fiddle.

My Grandma, Florence, played a great part in my upbringing. I spent much of my toddler-hood and almost every summer until I was 16 (once we had moved to California) at one or another of her homes. Most of my toddlerhood memories are in her house in Wadsworth, Ohio, and I cannot smell a daffodil without blasting right back into that yard. It was she who had to cope with me ripping open the roof of my mouth with a wooden flute, and she who tended my first bee sting. She made me a box kite one spring, and flew it. She and my Grandpa also fed me beer and ice cream until I spewed forth like Mount Vesuvius on my home doorstep, so she wasn't exactly a saint. She was an alcoholic until an ulcer stopped that activity, and replaced the beer with ice cream and chocolate "dope", and bottles of Pepsi. After my Grandpa died, she married her sister's widower, and after he died, she moved to California. She took to drinking whisky again, which improved her temperament.

She always had a special place in her heart for me, since we spent so much time together. I found out recently that she thought my cousin was a lying bitch, so maybe that's why she liked me. She read bodice-rippers but couldn't tolerate sex on screen, loved See's chocolates and sweets in general, could do that thing with one eyebrow going up and down, was incredibly racist and used the "n" word even when she had friends who were African-American, was the only one worried about me in the 1989 earthquake, had these ice-blue eyes that could bore into you like a drill, and hated anyone to see her without her teeth even in the nursing home.

So, no porn title this week, but thank you for letting me tell you a little about Florence Johnston Blough Shriener.