I'm sure you've all noticed that our President Dubya has really skinny lips.Which makes his self-righteous little sneer all the more infuriating. I think this was one of the few State of the Onion addresses I have actually watched and I was kinda sorry, but mostly I felt really sorry for the attendees, who had to stand up and sit back down again more times than at a Catholic Easter Sunrise Service. That speech would have been fifteen minutes long but I guess they need to fill an hour so they tell everybody to give a long standing ovation after every sentence uttered by The Man. Anyway, Dubya's lips are not the ones referred to here, but you get the drift: ORIFICE POLITICS

Times are tough, folks. Yesterday I had to empty the piggy bank and use one of those noisy but cool Coinstar machines to cash it out so I could buy groceries. I'm working why?? Money. Not ENOUGH. Looking for a job again. Ever cruise the Craigslist "Etcetera" jobs postings? Paid Session Gin Drinkers 27-39 Yrs Old, Regular and Premium (Alan????), Healthy Male Volunteers $$$$$$$ for Cancer Prevention Study , Paid Research VIDEO GAME PLAYERS Males 14-35, Cold Sore Study, Overactive Bladder 18+, On Camera Latin Film Studies Host.... I never qualify. Title: THE THINGS WE DO FOR MONEY

Last night we heard that horrible thrilling sound that can only mean metal on metal at great force. We ran outside (me to make sure it was not my Bonny that had been the victim) and here was the scenario: One late model silver something completely smashed up one whole side, tires flattened, front bumper sticking out like a broken femur, looking all kind of melted; and another car that had been walloped with such force that it had been spun into a very proper spot in someone's driveway. About a quarter of a block down was a car in the middle of the street that was completely flipped over, one headlight burning into the night. One of those things that you look at and assume anyone inside had to be dead dead dead. Interestly enough, the two passengers (one male, one female) had FLED THE SCENE ON FOOT, leaving nothing but mayhem in their wake. Will I ever read about it in the news? I don't read it so probably not, but would be interesting to see what the outcome was. Mostly lots of insurance headaches. Anyway, in honor of the shitstorm, here is today's title: ENEMAS AND ACCIDENTS

I'm such a slacker - Robot has to send me angry offline messages every week to get me off my butt and find a title. Anyway I have been having an 80's nostalgia week and downloading lots of Heaven 17 and Ultravox. Here's a reminiscent title for ya:

THE T AND A TEAM